The third - (although not the original story I thought of, that one fell out of my brain…). The third was the moment that my boss said “You are not right for this project, I just can’t trust your judgement”. This revelation from this woman came after I had worked 14 days straight and set up a team to work on a really important project in history. She didn’t know that this moment would send me into a complete tailspin. She didn’t know I would end up seeing my old therapist. She didn’t know that I wouldn’t be able to leave my house for almost two weeks because I was fraught with anxiety. She didn’t know. But, I also not sure she really gave a shit either to be honest.

Then, I got a call from a Commonwealth Government Department. That Department wanted to interview me for a job. An executive level job. The kind of job that requires security clearances. The kind of security clearance where they look at your background, your socials and try to understand if you are going to be able to be blackmailed for state secrets. Honestly, prefer you just didn’t tell me the secrets.

At the end of the class, they diligently clean their mats, the gear used, wipe themselves off with their “cool” towel which is now questionably warm and go about their days. Yeah. I am one of those women again. I love it. You want to know what women are made of? Go to a heated abs, buns and guns class. In that class we are made of confidence, audacity, strength, power (and, a pool of sweat). If only we could teach the other women to show up in the world with the confidence of a woman in a heated abs, buns and guns class wearing a midriff.

In the past, people went to lawyers to do law things. Now people go to lawyers (and most other professional services) because of the way they make them feel, what they stand for and what their value adds are. It is a given you a lawyer and that you have smarts. But what sets you apart from the crowd. Google suggests that about 8,000 people graduate with a law degree in Australia, each year. That is at least 8,000 more humans to set yourself apart from each year. So, what gives you you-i-ness?

Last year I got the opportunity to go to Disneyland in Hong Kong. It was sweltering hot. Like 36C and 99% humidity. But I had one day on the trip that I had available to do the Disneyland thing, and living out childhood dreams at 39 is strongly encouraged, so – I went. I lined up for what seemed like hours, sweating in places that I shouldn’t have been. Why? Why did I do this. Because Disneyland does business, well.

I told myself recently that I was going to write a blog post everyday. In addition to this blog post, I have a social media account me as a human, my business, and my podcast. My husband’s business that I am a sidekick also has an account that I manage. And, every morning on my me as a human page, I say Good morning Gorgeous so that I can interact with the humans on the other side of my Instagram account, daily.

This new era of millennial-ish leaders is new. We grew up without mobile phones, staying out on our bikes till 8pm. Our hair went green in the pool because we swan for so long on hot summer days. As we hit the workforce, there was a global recession. As we started to get more senior in our roles, there was a global pandemic. We straightened our hair with the iron and our get ready with me “videos” generally consisted of wiping something blue across our eyelids, putting on some Maybelline mascara, applying glitter - everywhere, and touching up our Donald Trump fake tan and looking hot to trot. We are older than Google. We existed before social media did. We had an emo stage. We went platinum blonde on the tips, at the front or all over. We drank too many vokda cruisers much in a field with strangers and probably got into a car that we shouldn’t have. We have fucking lived. Survived. And, now we are in our thriving era.

Speaking for me is the ability to change the life of at least one person in the room, in every room that I walk into. Some room will be harder than others. Some rooms it will always be the first time walking in. Other rooms, it might be the tenth time walking in. But, the mission is always still the same. Speak to serve. It’s not about me. My fear, my anxiety of standing up for the first time in front of those people, is not about me. It is instead about the audience. About the one person in the room that I can leave thinking - maybe its possible? I only have to be scared to do the thing once for the first time.

I was just sweeping my kitchen with my little straw broom. The one that my mother in law always brings us from Sydney when she comes to visit. The one that I am still choosing even though we got one of those robot vacuums the other day. The stroke of that little straw broom sweeping up yesterdays mess of two parrots and two humans, is somehow more satisfying that the unnecessarily loud roar of the little robovac. When I was walking around sweeping up the house, I was thinking of what success looks like for me in this current season of my life.

You know those weeks where it feels like you are busy doing everything but nothing at all gets done. Well, nothing gets finished. Not properly. There is one more part, chapter, course, video, person to help or event to attend. You are everywhere and nowhere. Helping everyone and still managing to let people down around you.

I just say “Hi, I am Rachael. I help brilliant but burnout professionals work on living a version of their life that they want to live in and not one that was predetermined for them when they were 17. I do this by getting them to look inwards at their inner dialogue/self/beliefs and ask if they are part of the problem?” Even that … cool, cool, cool. What is that you do? I really need to work on articulating all of this. But, for now. This is it. This is what I do.

The problem defined is: burnout is an accepted epidemic in professional services (not just law) and while the traditional version of success worked for those leaders that came before us, millennial leaders are leading in a very different world and need to find a very different way to lead teams, regulate themselves and run organisations.

Words are the worst and best thing we have about being humans. Something you say in the heat of a moment can have a lifetime impact. Something you never say even though you want too can create ripples that you didn’t even know were there. Something you say could literally save someone’s life. Words matter.

I reported it to the institution. There was a meeting. In that meeting I was attempting to express my outrage. Out of the 5 people on the call, two people sniggered when I spoke. One of those people was my best friend. We’re not friends anymore. We never recovered. We tried but there was never a moment where we could see each others points of view.

After a couple of false starts, I responded to a profile that said: apply within before I get bored. Of all the profiles on all the apps, this was probably the most honest I had seen. It could have read before I get bored / lose faith in the opposite sex / give up hope / commit to a life of being single because this is all too hard. Whichever version it was. I felt it - and, it had literally only been about 6 weeks since I started my first profile.

That little cottage became my sanctuary. But, some days were harder than others. I had just lost two of the most important relationships in my life. My self worth was decimated. So, some days in the wise words of Beatrix Kiddo (Uma Thurman) from Kill Bill, all I could do was “wiggle [my] big toe”.