Wiggle your big toe.

Picture this: its 2020 and the world is locked down. I am laying in the bedroom of a little Queenslander cottage that I had previously lived in with my husband. It wasn’t the same bedroom that always been the one that I slept in, but the other one felt wrong now, tainted even. I turned it into a private dining room instead. The little cottage became my sanctuary. I healed in the lounge room through active meditation, I ate dinner on the kitchen floor on more occasions that I can remember. I sat on the couch with my six year old bestie from next door watching Disney movies under cuddly blankets. She will never know how critical she was to my healing journey in those first six months.

That little cottage became my sanctuary. But, some days were harder than others. I had just lost two of the most important relationships in my life. My self worth was decimated. So, some days in the wise words of Beatrix Kiddo (Uma Thurman) from Kill Bill, all I could do was “wiggle [my] big toe”. Some mornings when I had no reason to get out of bed except when nature called that was the only thing that got me up. The tiniest micro action. I would say it over and over again until I was brave enough to get dressed, make a coffee and do anything but lay there.

That micro action (inspired by Kill Bill) was the only thing that allowed me to start some days. Slowly that micro action turned into bigger actions so that getting out of bed didn’t seem like a monumental event. And, once I was out of bed, anything was possible.