Your words not mine.
Not exactly the response that you want when you say to your boss - “well it doesn’t really seem like there is a place for me, here". But, we carry on. Words are the worst and best thing we have about being humans. Something you say in the heat of a moment can have a lifetime impact. Something you never say even though you want too can create ripples that you didn’t even know were there. Something you say could literally save someone’s life. Words matter. People, like me, and I am sure many others, take things on. That is definitely partly a me problem, and I am working on that - but, let’s normalise using kind language always when communicating with others.
Now I don’t mean kind language as in everything is lollipops and rainbows all the time. But, rather something like hey, I know this might not sit the same with you but … or, the story I am telling myself about this situation is this … or, I really need you to know this because of my own boundaries. Delivering critical messages with kindness. The situation that I was in was a strange one. I had put my hand up to say, I could maybe fill the roles of other people at my level that were moving on. I had been working as a lawyer for 16 years, about 6 years in senior executive roles but only 18 months-ish in the organisation. The excuse as to why I wasn’t right for filling roles that I was more than qualified for was that you don’t have the corporate knowledge. I still don’t fully understand what that means.
Earlier that year, same organisation, I got myself onto a huge project. It was one of those once in a career opportunities so I threw myself into heart and soul. Not listening to literally anything I talk about, where I say - work is not your identity and there is more to you than this. I was VERY committed. Big hours. Build a team in two weeks. Work weekends. That type of committed. But, it became apparent after a transition in the leadership team that there was a clash. A clash of personality. On reflection, I could have been kinder in my delivery of upward criticism. But, I was frustrated, confused and had no idea where I stood with this new “leader”. Eventually I was told that I was just not the right fit for the project.
The first example made me laugh and ultimately I took a voluntary redundancy (read: paid to resign). The second example threw me into a complete tailspin. I was on mental health leave for two weeks while they attempted to find a place for me in the organisation. It felt like I was so useless because they couldn't find anywhere for me to go, in any organisation with 500 legal staff and 13,5000 other people. I hadn’t done anything wrong. It was just that I didn’t fit in with what was required. This was a classic example for me of having to be in an environment that feeds your soul. And, it was a lesson for me, that - I was definitely no good at the corporate mind fuck games. But, not every environment is right. And, perhaps if you have to question your worth, your value or your place in an organisation, then its time to move on anyway.
