Great expectations.
This week, I found myself circling back to an idea I first wrote about on 28 March 2017: expectations. Not the kind that other people place on us, but the ones we quietly (or loudly!) carry for ourselves.
When I first reflected on this, I leaned on the Dickens novel Great Expectations as a frame for personal growth. Pip’s story of formation and becoming felt like it had parallels with my own journey. That still rings true today — though now, with more life behind me, I can see how much of our story is written not by the expectations themselves, but by how we hold them.
Achiever Energy (and Its Traps)
If you’ve ever declared you’ll nail something quickly — like mastering driving after two lessons, or pulling off a flawless sponge cake the first time — then you, like me, might carry what I once dubbed achiever syndrome.
Being an achiever can be powerful: it fuels momentum, ambition, and the audacity to go after big dreams. But it also comes with a trap. The higher and tighter the expectation, the more disappointment lurks if timelines aren’t met, or if progress doesn’t feel “instant.”
I’ve come to realise that the real challenge isn’t having big expectations — it’s learning to make them sustainable, flexible, and grounded in the messy humanness of growth.
Antidotes for Achiever Syndrome
Over the years, I’ve found a few powerful resets that help me loosen achiever syndrome’s grip:
1. Reality Checks with Sparkle
Dream audaciously, yes — but also acknowledge when a timeline or strategy is unrealistic. Sometimes our goals are less about perfection and more about permission: permission to shift the timeline, to adjust the strategy, or even to pause. That’s not failure; that’s leadership of self.
2. Connection as a Remedy
Not the scroll-and-like kind of connection, but the real, grounding type: walking in nature, singing too loudly in the car, dancing in the kitchen, or having an honest conversation with someone who “gets it.” Connection reminds us that expectations are lighter when they’re shared, softened, or celebrated with others.
3. Your People, Your Power
We absorb energy from those around us. If your circle is steeped in negativity, your goals feel heavier. If your tribe is fuelled by positivity, creativity, and passion, your goals feel possible. One of the greatest antidotes I’ve found is surrounding myself with people who spark joy and possibility. Their belief is contagious — and so is their courage.
From Self-Critical to Self-Celebrating
Lawyers (and achievers in general) tend to be self-critical. But what if we shifted to being self-evaluative? What if instead of asking, “What did I miss?” we asked, “What did I do well?”
So here’s a practice for today: finish this sentence — “I am awesome because…” Fill it in. Say it out loud. Believe it.
Living with Great Expectations
Great expectations don’t have to be a burden. They can be an invitation: to set goals that matter, to be kind to ourselves in the process, and to lean into the people and practices that help us thrive.
I’ve learned that achiever syndrome only holds power when we forget we have choices. And the truth is — we always have a choice. We can hold our expectations with rigidity and risk disappointment, or we can hold them with flexibility and create space for joy, connection, and growth along the way.
✨ Because here’s the secret: great expectations aren’t just about what we achieve. They’re about who we become while we’re achieving.
